Fear

I am 100% confident in my ability to be a sane stay-at-home-mom of three. I have no doubt in my mind that George and I will ride the three kid roller coaster with ease, gracefully going over the inevitable bumps that occur with adding a new baby, and in the end making it out alive.

The part I am terrified of though is one little three month period that is approaching very fast. 

The Summer of 2013.

It's like a horror movie title to me. 

Finn will be brand spanking new at 8 weeks old when Ryder gets out of school for the summer. 

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO??

Let me tell you a little about Kristy. 

I LOVE Summer. My mom should have named me Summer, that's how much I love it. I also am not too much of a homebody. I like going places and doing things. And one of my most favorite places to go in the Summer is the pool. Last year, the kids and I were out at the pool EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Our routine was wake up, eat breakfast, pack lunch and pool bags, swimsuit up, be at the pool by 10, stay til 1, go home crash for a nap, wake up, daddy's home, sometimes go back out to the pool, play, eat, bed. Every day. 

I don't know if you've put the problem together or not, but I'm not going to be making the pool a daily part of our lives this summer with an infant. I just cannot referee three kids around water all by myself. 

So, back to the big question. What am I going to do? I feel like homeschooling moms everywhere are laughing at me right now. After all, they are home in the winter, the most depressing and un-fun time of year with children of all ages. But see, I am not cut out of the home-schooling cloth. I think homeschooling is awesome, and applauded moms who stay home and teach their children. It's just not for me, and that's extremely ok. :)

I have taken to Pinterest to find different ideas for Summer, and have found the bucket lists that many people make to be helpful, sort of. Eat Popsicles? Uhh, is that even necessary to write down? We will be consuming our weight in Popsicles this summer, so no need to jot that down as an activity. That be like writing down "using the bathroom" on a summer list. Hello, that's implied. 

One thing I found a couple people on different blogs list was different classes that kids could take. I saw one mother signed her 3 year old daughter up for a 4 week cooking class. That seems like something Lucy or Ryder would enjoy, but I'm pretty sure T-Town doesn't offer anything like that.

I think what is ultimately going to help me is to schedule and plan this summer like a crazy person. I know summer is supposed to be laid back and fun, but if I don't I see a five and two year old who will be arguing and bored out of their minds. 

So, if you would like to help me and suggest a fun activity that I can do with an infant in tow I would love to hear it! Part of me wants to just buy out all of Toys R Us's supply out outdoor water toys and just let them lose in the backyard daily.....but I am not a millionaire :/

Finn Gear

Over the past 3 months or so I have been buying things for Finn as I find good deals....which means that I have been stalking Amazon waiting on stuff to drop $3. 

Here are a few things I am excited about

Didn't I just blog about this diaper bag the other day? I feel like I did....must be because I love it so much. Bento Ultimate Diaper Bag from Skip Hop. This thing is huge, and as far as I'm concerned it was made for families with more than one child. Snack Containers? Yep, will hold Cheese bunnies. It can be a messenger bag or over-the-shoulder. Plus, it has stroller clips. 

I am not usually one to be a brand snob....unless there is good reason to be. Aiden and Anais muslin swaddling blankets are THE BEST blankets in the world. Yes, they cost $38 for 4 thin blankets, but they are worth their weight in gold. No other blanket is as big as these guys or stretches as well. We had some with Lucy and she still loves them and carries these blankets around today. And they get softer with every wash. I have heard rumors of cheaper, off-brand muslin blankets, but I have never laid eyes on them. 

Here we are with the pricy expensive stuff again. Hear me out. I have eczema on my hands. Like really bad. So bad that I don't even bathe my kids..........George does. I have thankfully gotten it under control, but there used to be mornings when I would wake up and (get ready this is gross) my fingers would be a bloody pulpy mess from me scratching uncontrollably in the night. All that is of the past though since I have found this brand. I have with me AT ALL TIMES a little $13 tub of California Baby Calendula Cream. It has been my saving grace. And, I haven't had a breakout in about a year since I have been using it daily. But there is just something about all the baby products, especially Johnson & Johnson lavender(which sucks because it smells so amazing) baby wash and yes, even Aveeno Naturals, and Johnson & Johnsons natural line. They all break my skin out. But not this little gem. I can make this last about 3 months. So I am hoping its worth the money. And please, don't start thinking that we use this on Ryder and Lucy. Um, no. They are rocking Suave Kids shampoo for $2. Once you hit about 18 months you can start using big kid shampoo in this house. 

Puj Tub. Maybe Im a maw maw, but bending down on the floor to bathe a baby was fun the first two times, but I'd like to try my hand and not breaking my back this time around. So, I ordered one of these guys. You can fold it into your sink with one hand and it doesnt take up a ton of space since it lays flat when not in use. 

Baby Trend Travel System in Ion. I actually got a really good deal on this. Our carseat we used with Ryder and Lucy was found in my mother's garage a couple of months ago with cat litter sprinkled throughout. Apparently her cats decided it was a nice bed. GROSS.  

Aqua Crib Bedding from Land of Nod. I have spent hours upon hours going back and forth on what bedding to buy for him. I wanted it to be simple, no bumper, and a fun color. Ryder has already claimed lime green and gray in his new room so I knew I wanted to do something different. I have been staring at  this bedding for quite a while but it took me forever to just click the "add to cart" button because I kept thinking I would find something I liked better for as good of a price. I didn't. I found stuff I liked better, but Im not spending $400 on baby bedding. This was $165 total, including the matching changing pad cover. His room will be a mix of different shades of aqua blue with some gray mixed in. 

I guess that's it! Im excited. Only 7 more weeks to go. Hurry UP!

Resolution?

Yesterday, my friend Ashley and I were talking--er, she was listening to me jump from topic to topic venting about my kids. You need to do that sometimes ya know. Even though they are your sweet children they are still people....and people can get on your last freaking nerve. 

Anyway, the topic of resolutions came up. Ash asked me if I made them, and said she never really gets into it. I do. I don't write them down. I think when it comes to resolutions I always set the bar way too high when I write them down. Then it's just sad to look back in March and see that I really am not on track. All of my resolutions are family oriented. I want to be more purposeful in praying with the kids and as a family, I want to get back on a daily routine, be a better wife, etc. 

But for some reason today as I was driving down the road looking at Lucy in my rear view mirror I thought of a resolution that trumps all of the others. And if I can work on this one thing, I think everything else will be easier to do.

The resolution at hand is finding freedom from my mother. I know I am married with a family of my own, but there's still a little part of me that feels like a 13 year old who has to have her mom's approval. Not so much that I value what she says, but more because I am so envious of families that are close(particularly mother/daughter relationships) that I want her to be happy regarding me. I guess maybe I am painting an unfair picture of my mom. Lets dig deeper.

As far as working, keeping us fed, clothed, and all the normal things a parent does she gets an A+. Even for holidays and birthdays, she was great. happy birthday message on my mirror with balloons when I woke up was always awesome. Vacations? Went to Disney 3 different times, and the beach twice a year every year. I want to be fair to her and say that she did a wonderful job in those aspects of parenting. The part where she failed though, was our day-to-day interactions and relationship. She is a very negative, stressed out  person. 

So, lets talk about the things I am not so fond of. When I was growing up, if we got into an argument she would state her opinion, then run up to her room, slam the door in my face and lock the door for HOURS. Uh, doesn't that sound like what the teenager usually does to the mother?? My relationship was the opposite. I wanted to talk stuff out--I have been told I will talk things to death, she didn't. Meals? UM, McDonald's? Taco Casa? KFC? take your pick. It was the norm for my dad to go to four different places to get dinner for each member of our family. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. if we did eat at home it was frozen pizza or something similar. I do remember on occasion, usually during the summer, there were a couple of meals cooked. Usually fried chicken, corn on the cob, okra, mashed potatoes. Haha, when they did cook they did it right at least! That was also usually the only time we ate at the table. Any other time, each person was in their own space. I ate dinner in my room most nights in front of my little tv watching Friends. 

My mother was a teacher. Which meant she was at home with me and my brother during the summer. Anyone that i know that is a teacher is living it up with their kids when they are out for the year. Not my mom. She would stay in the bed until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. And would be in a terrible mood when she did surface. 

My mother had/has an unhealthy relationship with her parents. She is an only child, and whereas I am not all that close to her, she is the exact opposite with her family. 2 hour long phone calls every day to my grandmother seems a bit much to me. EVERY DAY? Anything and everything my grandparents thought or did my mom was a fan of. It's like she felt as if she couldn't have a difference of opinion from them, or even try anything new. Ex: when my mom has a headache she takes Tylenol. I'm not sure if my mom has ever, EVER used any other pain killer. Why? Because my grandparents don't. Once when I was over there and felt a migraine coming on I asked did she have any Excedrin. She said no with a tone implying that I was an idiot for even asking that, made a face, and said "why do you want Excedrin? I have Tylenol!" She CANNOT veer off the path. For Christmas, when George and I moved into our new house my grandparents got us a dishwasher. We were told to go to Home Depot or Lowe's and pick out any dishwasher we wanted......as long as it was a Kitchen Aid. That's what brand my grandparents like, so naturally that is what brand my mom liked, and I was going to like it too. It wasn't just "we really like the Kitchen Aid brand, theyve always been a great brand and lasted for forever". It was as if any other brand aside from Kitchen Aid was not a reputable company? Maytag, Whirlpool, Kenmore, all crap. Oh, did they have bad experiences with these other brands of appliances? Nope. They have just always used Kitchen Aid, so that's what I will be using as well. The End. 

Maybe these things seem trivial, but to me more important that going on vacations and making birthdays special is making the every day life you live with your family happy. Mine just wasn't. I strive to be a better "everyday mom" for my kids than I had, and look up to my mother for the special memories she did create. 

So, after this long novel, my resolution is this: I will stop caring and trying to word my sentences in a way that I know will please my mom, just for the sake of not making her mad. I give her a very filtered view of my life. Mostly one that I know she will approve of because i feel like a failure when she sighs and makes comments about things we choose to do. I am releasing myself from that. If I stop and think about it (and hello, obviously I have!) I don't want to be the person she is, so why do I give a rats ass if she approves or likes something I am doing. Maybe I can't have that closeness I long for with my own mother, but I can choose to have it with my daughter. And Lucy and I are off to a great start since she already adores me. I plan to keep that feeling alive for the rest of my life :)

So, I can't be the only one out there with a weird mother/daughter relationship. I also can't be the only one who constantly seeks approval, even though they know most of the time they won't get it. Share!