Separation anxiety

If you clicked on my post assuming you would be reading about how Finn doesn't want to leave mine or George's side....well, sorry :/ He does have huge huge HUGE separation anxiety, but that isn't what this post is about. well, hang on: like Im talking about I can't set this dude down and walk three feet without him slow motion crawling after me ugly crying. It is a sight.

Anyway....


This is about my Lucy. I miss her. This is night two that she is asleep. upstairs. far far away from me. I hate it. 

Ever since we moved into the new house(it'll be a year at the end of this month!) she has slept with us. Maybe we laid the smack down a couple of times and she would go 2-3 nights sleeping in her bed, but for the most part, she's always been with us. 

What do you do in bed right before you go to sleep? Maybe read a little in a book? Chat with your husband about the day and your plans for tomorrow? Have a devotion time or read the Bible? Well, mine is usually with that girl. Depending on my exhaustion level, sometimes we will giggle and look at pictures on my phone together, or she will lay her sweet little head on my leg while I look at FB(hey, just being honest). But other times she will get Finn all riled up and just WILL NOT go to sleep. ***Oh yea, Finn is in our bed too. We won't even discuss that because the reasoning for that is SUPER simple. My knees hurt going up and down my freaking stairs all the time. And Finn occasionally still wakes up in the middle of the night and needs a good cuddle or back patting to settle back down. I know, he should have his own methods of self soothing at this age....blah blah blah. Nobody is a perfect mom ok. Among my laundry list of faults Im not good with strict sleep habits. Its fine, Im aware of the problemo. Listen your kid was sleeping through the night at 3 hours old and in their own crib? Gold star for you.*** So 1/2 the time I enjoy her company and the other 1/2 Im telling her if she doesn't lay her head down and go to sleep I just might have an actual heart attack. Then there's the kicking. Oh man. Lucy is like the Native Americans of beds. She uses the WHOLE bed to sleep. She will touch, roll, and spread across every single corner of the bed. So that means you will get kicked in the face. Nightly.

Ahhh but here I am two night in a row, awake at 12:54 am. All because I miss that little nugget kicking me in the face. When i was younger I would sneak into my parents bedroom and sleep on the floor by my mom. If my dad caught me it would be back in my room. So i had to stealthily make my way in every night. Guys, this was when I was SIXTEEN years old. Yea. My room was super creepy at night. When i was in the fourth grade I was OBSESSED with the color hunter green. It was my jam. So i thought what better way to show my loyalty that to paint my freaking room hunter green. You know what happens to a hot dog room at night when it's a super dark color? Well it looks like a dungeon that's what. Oh, hot dog room. My room was LOOOOONG. It had four closets, and three windows. It was above the garage and kitchen. So I've always called it the hot dog room. Im weird. 
I remember the feeling of being in that room, unable to sleep, and just wanting to be near someone. That's just it. My whole entire life I have wanted to just be able to have someone with me while I slept. Im not too much of a cuddler. Hello Im super hot natured and I will surely sweat to death if I am all bundled up next to someone. But just the security of knowing someone is in the room with me, that's all I've wanted. And truthfully, since I moved out, I haven't had to sleep alone. Ever. 

What is this obsession with "sleep in your own room" that parents have?  Well, I guess because the quality of sleep is not great when people kick you in the face....and low sleep quality makes for low productivity during the day. So, THAT is why she is up there in her room, Kristy. Oh, Im talking to myself now. You know, giving a pep talk. Because she kicks you AND FINN in the face, ribs, and screams out random phrases like "Bubba quit eating the jelly beans!!!" during the night and it wakes you up and then it takes you 1,000 years to fall back asleep. Oh yea. But I still miss her. And I still hope she will come down those stairs and crawl in bed with me. 

One day, she will be a grown up Lucy graduating high school and getting ready to move into a dorm room with her best friend and start her super awesome college life. One day, she will be packing up her car with her clothes, and all her stuff. And she will never ever sleep in my house, let alone my bed ever again. She will never again climb in my bed with her pig pillow pet that has been seen better days and her "comfy blanket" that my grandmother made for my bro (but Lu stole it). So thats why I miss her. Thats why I want her down here. I want to breathe in her sweet baby smell before it goes away. I want to savor these moments while she still thinks I am the bomb.com. and tells me she "loves me with all your heart" :) ohhhh. But I also know we all function and treat each other better with a good nights sleep....ahhh maybe Ive exhausted myself enough now. 

Goodnight :)

Whoa! Life Update!

Hello. It's been a hot minute since I've blogged it up!

I guess I should catch you up on my life!

In no particular order, here ya go:

*Oh man, Finn has been drinking and drinking and drinking. 35 oz a day! WHAT?! Well, 30-35. That means I have been pumping 3+ times a day for the past SEVEN MONTHS. In case you are wondering "uh, hello Kristy, why don't you just breastfeed him??" Well, for a lot of reasons, but the biggest one is that he just will not nurse. the end. It's pretty much my fault for not actually nursing him enough when he was a newborn. I should have nursed him as long as I did Lucy. She was a pro at the bottle and boob and would drink from both. So, if you can imagine, pumping 35 oz a day will suck the freaking life out of you. I have been in tears over the past few days because I just cant pump fast enough and he WILL NOT drink formula. Ive tried! My plan was to feed him one formula bottle a day for about a week so I could build a supply back up. HA! You know that face you make when you take cough syrup...that's the face Finn was giving anytime I tried to give him formula. He just wasn't having it. UNTIL LAST NIGHT! I am a genious and poured some of his strawberry banana cereal in his bottle and he sucked it right down. My boobs got a 10 hour rest from good ole' Medela last night and I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pump. I got 17oz total! I've been ahead of his eating all day today and don't feel anxious anymore. For the past couple of weeks I have been so anxious about his feedings and pumping. Do you know how awesome it is to be sitting on a bed pumping while your baby is laying beside you screaming? It's really overwhelming. Glad we are on our way over this hurdle. 

*Hey guys, confession time. You know my favorite chore, laundry? Wellllll......I pretty much hate it right now. A few weeks ago we all got a fever virus and I slacked up on the laundry. And ya know, when you have 5 different people dirtying up clothes and towels and having multiple wardrobe changes a day it piles up really fast. So instead of just getting right back at it when I was well, I got super laundry depressed and just kept letting it pile up. "I'll just knock all the laundry in the house out on Friday" I said. HAHAHAHA! I am hilarious. That would take literally 8-10 solid hours. If only I had that much uninterrupted time. So of course I didn't accomplish my goal and ever since there has been a huge laundry beast growing in my laundry room and in all corners of every bedroom in this house. My ultimate plan is to get a bottle of wine and sit on the couch after the kids go to bed and watch TV, fold clothes, and drink some Riesling. Great plan. It might take me until Sunday night, but I will conquer this laundry mountain.

Hmmm, only two ridiculous life happenings to share. I'll add two more to spice it up.
1) I love Steel City Pops more than I should. My original favorite is Coffee, but since they introduced their new fall flavors I have switched to Caramel. It is sooo good, and I find myself daydreaming about it weekly.

2) Confession time #2. The past couple of weeks have been kinda lonely on the Stay-at-home mom front. Yep, I said it. There are some weeks that I will go three days without leaving the house except to shuttle Ryder to and from school. Then when George gets home from work I attack him "yay! a grown up! Let me tell you about every single spill I wiped up and about every time I told one of our kids to stop whining!" He is my best friend and keeps me sane when the weeks run together, thank goodness for Georgio. I am however glad that it has been such beautiful weather. Lucy and I have had lots of time outside jumping on the trampoline and playing with bubbles while Finn naps. I dread when Winter sets in and there is no playing outside. Hey Chom membership & McWane Center membership, ya'll are looking super good right now. 

 

Bedtime Battles

Oh man. Where do I even begin? 

I guess I'll start with a confession.

The time between getting the kids bathed and getting everyone in the house to finally falling asleep is the worst part of my day. I know we cant be the only parents to feel this way.

My kids find every resource imaginable to fight bedtime. They've got a plethora of excuses as to why they are still up roaming the house....even after we've "put them to bed" five times already.

We have this whole ritual that we go through most nights. On a good night where everything is going right on schedule we start our night time routine at 8:00. We even set the timer to make sure that we stay on track down to the minute. I use a timer in a lot of areas of my life, it's A.D.D. management guys.

Let me break it down for you.

8:00 George's phone reminds us to "begin nighttime routine". 

8-8:15 Bath time and PJ's

8:15-8:45 Playtime and snack time. They have 30 min to watch a tv show, play with each other, play Nintendo with George, color, whatever........and eat a snack.

8:45-9:00 clean up & brush teeth. We help them tidy up their rooms, the playroom, and make sure they brush their teeth well.

9:00 Prayers, story, kisses, bed

Everything is usually rolling right along pretty smoothly until actual bed time hits.

I don't know any other way to type out every problem we are dealing with quickly other than doing a word dump. You'll get the idea, here we go.

right before you close the door Ryder asks for ONE.MORE.THING. But I need my ______. LUCY! GET IN THE BED! Ok, I will lay down with you for 15 min. Finn is hungry. Ryder is doing karate and flips in his bed. Stop acting crazy, go to sleep dude! Lucy follows you in to Ryder's room while you are getting on to him. Lucy, go get back in your bed. WHINING. I will lay down with you, GO! Crying. Lucy falls asleep, you sneak out. On your way down the stairs you pass Ryder's room--um, mommy, can I/you forgot to _____. Ryder, you should have gotten that before now, go to sleep. Go downstairs--YOU ARE FREE! TIME WITH YOUR SPOUSE!!! WRONG. 10 min later, you hear feet. You ignore it. Maybe it'll just go away. If we pretend we don't hear her, will she go back to sleep? NO. LUCY! GET IN THE BED! Crying. little feet running. repeat this 3 more times. She comes down again. tears. she melts my heart. come here baby love. I hold Luce. Ryder comes down. Why does Lucy get to stay up and he doesn't? Ugh, ok Ryder go get in your bed, Lucy, Daddy is going to lay down with you. George has been up there for a while, I bet they both fell asleep. Tiptoe up the stairs, wake George up and tell him to come get in the bed. We both stumble down the stairs. George crashes into bed, I give Finn a dream feed(he sleeps in our room). FINALLY we are all asleep. 3:30am I wake up to pee...Oh, Lucy has slithered her way in our bed. Sigh. THE END.

Sometimes I wonder why we even fight it. Why not just let them all pile in our room, who cares? Lucy always winds up in there anyway, why not just let her start out in our room? Well, I honestly wouldn't care, but she won't even go to sleep in our room WITH Finn in there without one of us. And you cant ever just be done with putting Ryder to bed. Its always one.more.thing. and right when you are walking out of his room. You'll almost be out the door......"hey momma". AHHH!!!!! Finn is the only one who is a great sleeper! The 3 month old you lay him down, and he's asleep. All night!

All this boils down to: I WANT TIME ALONE WITH MY HUSBAND!! I know its annoying that I use caps constantly, but I am screaming this shaking my fist towards the sky! I want to sit on the couch with George and talk and eat junk food and watch tv and just hang out for like an hour before we go to sleep. Is that too much to ask?

Please. PLEASE. I am desperate. GIVE ME SOME ADVICE!

Is anyone else going through this? What do you do?! Have you just said forget it and let all the kids pile in your bed? How does that work? I have tried letting Lucy sleep with Ryder, but she usually doesn't want to and on the few times they have its like a 7th grade girls slumber party. Giggling for hours. Endearing and cute at first, but eventually it becomes a problem.

Ok, if you've got this sleep thing down and mastered, show me your ways. If you are in the same boat as me, lets form a support group. We could meet when all of our kids are constantly getting up--hey they aren't sleeping anyway, right?

Baby

I remember when Ryder was a baby I couldnt wait for him to start eating baby food. It was like a countdown for me. Once the three month mark hit I was like "only two more weeks until he can eat sweet potatoes!" WHAT. 

I feel like I was constantly thinking of the next stage with Ryder and wishing his first two years away. When will he start crawling? When will he start walking? When will he be able to hold his own bottle? When will he sleep through the night? When will he potty train? When will he really start talking? Hurry up and grow up.

 Even now it's hard for me to not have that mentality with him. When its your first child it doesnt matter if they are 5 months old or 5 years old, for that first born for the rest of their lives you are a "first time mom". I am a first time mom of a five year old. I have NO FREAKING CLUE when this annoying "silly" stage will end (God, please can it be soon?). I have no idea when he will start getting better about eating, or when he will learn to tie his shoes (now I guess?? I dont know. Should I be working on that? All of his shoes are slip on or velcro though, sooooo......). I don't have any past experience to tell me when phases and stages will end, what to be firm on and what to just let slide under the rug--it's no big deal, it'll pass. I am blindly going about raising an elementary aged son and just hoping and praying I am not making too many mistakes. It sucks not being able to see the other side of the coin. 

But I can see the other side of the coin with Finn. I know all too well that babies eating solid food isn't as exciting as I thought it would be. Remember how their crap used to not really have that bad of a smell? HA! Kiss those days goodbye. Solid food brings out a stench that will make you cry. Solids can stay away for quite some time with Mr. Finn.

When will he walk? When will he crawl?! HA again! One of the stages in life I have the most pity for with parents is the 12 month mark. The kid is either almost or fully mobile, but has no concept of boundaries. Watching parents chase after overly adventurous one year olds, or attempt to make them sit in their laps in waiting rooms for any extended amount of time makes my stomach hurt. And I know that is going to be me again. AHH!

So, please Finn, don't grow up. Stay little. Keep the little dimples in your hands,  keep curling up like a little roly poly when I pick you up, keep wearing your size one diapers and stay small enough to bathe in the sink. 

I have seen the other side of this coin. Twice. And I have wished away these little baby moments mostly with Ryder, and some with Lucy. But I really just want to enjoy and soak up every single ounce of baby goat noises Finn is churning out. 

He is so awesome. 

Light Hearted--but long!

Here is a random list of things. 

 

-If you didnt know, I would describe myself as a mild shopaholic. Buying things gives me such a thrill, and apparently, I have passed this trait onto my daughter. Awesome. My mom isn't much of a shopper, so I can't really go anywhere and "do some damage" shopping with her. But oh, my mini me(er-mini George if we are going by looks) will be my partner in crime. The only problem is--Lucy is VERY girly. The stuff she likes sometimes makes me gag at the froofrooness of it.

 

Exhibit A:

 

See this? WHAT IS THIS? I like the outfit, its cute--minus the tutu shirt. I love a tutu skirt any day on Lu, when evened out with a graphic T. A little girly, a little tomboy.....thats kind of how I dress I guess. I'll rock an awesome long frilly skirt...with converse. I can't have too much prissiness going on. I need balance. But this girl has something different in mind. And I am learning to embrace it. Since you can do practically everything on Facebook these days I have taken to shopping it up at these little boutiques for her. I show her the pictures and she tells me what she likes. Such is the case with this outfit above. So, if your newsfeed gets crowded with outfits I am buying, well, Lu and I apologize :/

-I feel like this tidbit should get it's own post, but since I feel like I don't write as much as I would like to I had better mention it now before it gets lost in my brain and forgotten. My son, Ryder Owen, has the gentlest & kindest heart I have ever seen. Last Saturday was a busy day for us. Ryder's soccer game was at 9 am, then we had two birthday parties right after it. On the way home from the last party I had to drag Lucy out of CHOM screaming. She did NOT want to leave. Part of that was because she loves Willow, part of it was because she was tired, and part of it was because she is Lucy. The end. So she was crying and screaming the whole way home. Now, what would I have done if this was my younger sibling acting a fool? Probably would have looked at Chad(my brother) with hate filled eyes and yelled at my mom to make him be quiet. Yep, I know thats what I would have done. But, Ryder teaches me everyday how to be kind. Ryder holds Lucy's hand and starts singing Jesus Loves me to her. That song has calmed her down from even the worst tantrums and crying fits since she was a baby, and still works oddly enough. Lucy stopped crying completely and Ryder just sang the song over and over to her until we got home. I wish I could say he got his kind unselfish heart from me, but that award goes to my husband. George has the same spirit and I am so grateful that Ryder has this wonderful trait.

 

 

-Today, "Mr. Finn" is one month old. One of the lactation ladies referred to him as Mr. Finn once, and I've always just thought that was funny. He looks like a Mr. Finn. Haha.

For the first week or two we were comparing him to how Lucy was as a baby--which was a freaking DREAM. A dream, people. She NEVER cried. EVER. should I use all caps again? Do you get the point? Even when she was hungry she would just make these little noises, they were never full blown cries. And that's how Finn was, for the first week or two. But he has since shown his true colors, and does become quite the fuss at night. I mean, not too terrible, it just takes a little work for him to calm down for the night.

Right now he is a hoss and drinking 4.5-5 oz every 3.5-4 hours. I know, get ready for the biscuit arms and legs to appear. I pump every 7 hours and get about 9-10 oz every time I pump, so I get enough for 2 feedings before I have to pump again. It's working out great for us, I heart the pump! I only breastfed Ryder for about 3 weeks, I was 22 and had no clue what all BFing entailed and just wasn't mentally prepared for it. I BF Lucy for 6 months, and the only reason I stopped with her was because I got the flu and just could not breastfeed or pump for like 2 days. And since BF is a supply and demand deal the supply went away since the demand went away. I tried and tried and tried to get my supply back once I was well again but it just wasn't happening. Hoping to make it a year with Finn :)

-As for the adults in the Edmondson crew-well, we are contemplating buying a mini van. Oh the horror! I can't handle it. George is all for it, and talks about mini vans and their awesomeness all the time. I, on the other hand, have my eye on the prize....A YukonXL. Yep. I need it. Its way cooler than a van and hello, has the same amount of room....but they are like super expensive. I have been looking around and even the used 5 yr old models are like $36,000. WHOA!! So, alas, it looks like I will be dorking it up with a mini van soon. Just promise not to laugh and me and know that I will regain my cool card when these kids are grown, because I will own a Jeep Wrangler.

Party of Five

So here we are almost four weeks in to being a family of five, and I know you all are dying to know how its going...haha.

Well, get ready, because Im not going to sugar coat it.

Right now, it's really hard.

I've had about 101 people tell me "I heard that once you have your third it's a piece of cake" or  "having the second child is hard, the third and fourth are easy"

I guess there is some truth to these statements, Finn is easy. It's keeping the other two happy and the house running as normal that's hard.

Let me be transparent here: For the first week and a half after we got home, I UGLY CRIED almost every day. Like to the point that my eyes were swollen. 

When we got home from the hospital we were on on own. Thank God George was off for two weeks to help me since I had the C-section. But, there was no help. Im not trying to throw our parents under the bus right now, because they did help with the kids while we were in the hospital, and have since been helpful....but those first two weeks were awful. We couldnt go anywhere so both kids were going crazy being trapped in the house. 

I felt overwhelmed. Even though I've done this twice before it was so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and as the days inched closer and closer to George going back to work I was having serious anxiety.

Then, we get the phone call from the school's voicemail system.

The week that Im dreading, the week George goes back to work, is Ryder's Spring Break. George and I answered both of our phones at the same time and were staring at each other while listening to the message. When it was over I hung up the phone and proceeded to cry for about 10 years. 

I didn't have this written in my calendar, I hadn't known about it. I had been wondering if TCS was going to have spring break since I saw everybody and their brother posting about SB on Facebook. But I guess I was in an after baby haze and didnt really question it any further. 

Thankfully, our moms helped with the kids, and I was only really at home alone with all three of them one day that week. They were life savers. 

Lets fast forward to this week...

I was so pumped Sunday night and on into Monday because I was ready to get back to normal life. I was cleared to drive and my staples were out. Ryder was back at school this week and we could sink back into our regular routine. Monday was awesome.

But when I picked Ryder up from school he complained about his belly hurting...while holding a huge cup of Easter candy he got at school. Oh, well, there's the culprit. I made him stop the candy, and we ate lunch. I didn't hear anymore complaining for the rest of the day. Then that night we ate at Chipotle. On the way home he said his throat hurt and then that he might throw up. He went straight to bed when we got home, and didnt get up until about 3 am when he got sick, everywhere. 

So, he has been home the rest of this week with a sore throat. I took him to the doctor yesterday and was told that it was probably a viral infection and the strep test was negative. So rest, rest, rest is what will make him feel better. Although I think he will be able to return to school tomorrow.He has been very upset about not being able to see his friends :( 

Next week. Next week is our week, people. Hopefully we will all be well, the weather will be pretty and we can attempt to get back to life. 

Right after we came home from the hospital I told George a couple of times to let me know when he was ready to schedule his vasectomy. In those first couple of days I couldn't imagine doing this again. Going through the surgery again, going through the pent up kids, again. But sometimes there will be moments when I know in my heart that we aren't done. I know Finn won't be the last Edmondson baby I hold. 

It has been and still is super hard right now. When George gets home from work we are both worn out and say to each other its not going to be like this forever, it WILL get better. Things WILL even out. 

Anyway, Im not even sure if this made sense....but it was good for me to write this out! 

Fear

I am 100% confident in my ability to be a sane stay-at-home-mom of three. I have no doubt in my mind that George and I will ride the three kid roller coaster with ease, gracefully going over the inevitable bumps that occur with adding a new baby, and in the end making it out alive.

The part I am terrified of though is one little three month period that is approaching very fast. 

The Summer of 2013.

It's like a horror movie title to me. 

Finn will be brand spanking new at 8 weeks old when Ryder gets out of school for the summer. 

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO??

Let me tell you a little about Kristy. 

I LOVE Summer. My mom should have named me Summer, that's how much I love it. I also am not too much of a homebody. I like going places and doing things. And one of my most favorite places to go in the Summer is the pool. Last year, the kids and I were out at the pool EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Our routine was wake up, eat breakfast, pack lunch and pool bags, swimsuit up, be at the pool by 10, stay til 1, go home crash for a nap, wake up, daddy's home, sometimes go back out to the pool, play, eat, bed. Every day. 

I don't know if you've put the problem together or not, but I'm not going to be making the pool a daily part of our lives this summer with an infant. I just cannot referee three kids around water all by myself. 

So, back to the big question. What am I going to do? I feel like homeschooling moms everywhere are laughing at me right now. After all, they are home in the winter, the most depressing and un-fun time of year with children of all ages. But see, I am not cut out of the home-schooling cloth. I think homeschooling is awesome, and applauded moms who stay home and teach their children. It's just not for me, and that's extremely ok. :)

I have taken to Pinterest to find different ideas for Summer, and have found the bucket lists that many people make to be helpful, sort of. Eat Popsicles? Uhh, is that even necessary to write down? We will be consuming our weight in Popsicles this summer, so no need to jot that down as an activity. That be like writing down "using the bathroom" on a summer list. Hello, that's implied. 

One thing I found a couple people on different blogs list was different classes that kids could take. I saw one mother signed her 3 year old daughter up for a 4 week cooking class. That seems like something Lucy or Ryder would enjoy, but I'm pretty sure T-Town doesn't offer anything like that.

I think what is ultimately going to help me is to schedule and plan this summer like a crazy person. I know summer is supposed to be laid back and fun, but if I don't I see a five and two year old who will be arguing and bored out of their minds. 

So, if you would like to help me and suggest a fun activity that I can do with an infant in tow I would love to hear it! Part of me wants to just buy out all of Toys R Us's supply out outdoor water toys and just let them lose in the backyard daily.....but I am not a millionaire :/

Finn Gear

Over the past 3 months or so I have been buying things for Finn as I find good deals....which means that I have been stalking Amazon waiting on stuff to drop $3. 

Here are a few things I am excited about

Didn't I just blog about this diaper bag the other day? I feel like I did....must be because I love it so much. Bento Ultimate Diaper Bag from Skip Hop. This thing is huge, and as far as I'm concerned it was made for families with more than one child. Snack Containers? Yep, will hold Cheese bunnies. It can be a messenger bag or over-the-shoulder. Plus, it has stroller clips. 

I am not usually one to be a brand snob....unless there is good reason to be. Aiden and Anais muslin swaddling blankets are THE BEST blankets in the world. Yes, they cost $38 for 4 thin blankets, but they are worth their weight in gold. No other blanket is as big as these guys or stretches as well. We had some with Lucy and she still loves them and carries these blankets around today. And they get softer with every wash. I have heard rumors of cheaper, off-brand muslin blankets, but I have never laid eyes on them. 

Here we are with the pricy expensive stuff again. Hear me out. I have eczema on my hands. Like really bad. So bad that I don't even bathe my kids..........George does. I have thankfully gotten it under control, but there used to be mornings when I would wake up and (get ready this is gross) my fingers would be a bloody pulpy mess from me scratching uncontrollably in the night. All that is of the past though since I have found this brand. I have with me AT ALL TIMES a little $13 tub of California Baby Calendula Cream. It has been my saving grace. And, I haven't had a breakout in about a year since I have been using it daily. But there is just something about all the baby products, especially Johnson & Johnson lavender(which sucks because it smells so amazing) baby wash and yes, even Aveeno Naturals, and Johnson & Johnsons natural line. They all break my skin out. But not this little gem. I can make this last about 3 months. So I am hoping its worth the money. And please, don't start thinking that we use this on Ryder and Lucy. Um, no. They are rocking Suave Kids shampoo for $2. Once you hit about 18 months you can start using big kid shampoo in this house. 

Puj Tub. Maybe Im a maw maw, but bending down on the floor to bathe a baby was fun the first two times, but I'd like to try my hand and not breaking my back this time around. So, I ordered one of these guys. You can fold it into your sink with one hand and it doesnt take up a ton of space since it lays flat when not in use. 

Baby Trend Travel System in Ion. I actually got a really good deal on this. Our carseat we used with Ryder and Lucy was found in my mother's garage a couple of months ago with cat litter sprinkled throughout. Apparently her cats decided it was a nice bed. GROSS.  

Aqua Crib Bedding from Land of Nod. I have spent hours upon hours going back and forth on what bedding to buy for him. I wanted it to be simple, no bumper, and a fun color. Ryder has already claimed lime green and gray in his new room so I knew I wanted to do something different. I have been staring at  this bedding for quite a while but it took me forever to just click the "add to cart" button because I kept thinking I would find something I liked better for as good of a price. I didn't. I found stuff I liked better, but Im not spending $400 on baby bedding. This was $165 total, including the matching changing pad cover. His room will be a mix of different shades of aqua blue with some gray mixed in. 

I guess that's it! Im excited. Only 7 more weeks to go. Hurry UP!

Resolution?

Yesterday, my friend Ashley and I were talking--er, she was listening to me jump from topic to topic venting about my kids. You need to do that sometimes ya know. Even though they are your sweet children they are still people....and people can get on your last freaking nerve. 

Anyway, the topic of resolutions came up. Ash asked me if I made them, and said she never really gets into it. I do. I don't write them down. I think when it comes to resolutions I always set the bar way too high when I write them down. Then it's just sad to look back in March and see that I really am not on track. All of my resolutions are family oriented. I want to be more purposeful in praying with the kids and as a family, I want to get back on a daily routine, be a better wife, etc. 

But for some reason today as I was driving down the road looking at Lucy in my rear view mirror I thought of a resolution that trumps all of the others. And if I can work on this one thing, I think everything else will be easier to do.

The resolution at hand is finding freedom from my mother. I know I am married with a family of my own, but there's still a little part of me that feels like a 13 year old who has to have her mom's approval. Not so much that I value what she says, but more because I am so envious of families that are close(particularly mother/daughter relationships) that I want her to be happy regarding me. I guess maybe I am painting an unfair picture of my mom. Lets dig deeper.

As far as working, keeping us fed, clothed, and all the normal things a parent does she gets an A+. Even for holidays and birthdays, she was great. happy birthday message on my mirror with balloons when I woke up was always awesome. Vacations? Went to Disney 3 different times, and the beach twice a year every year. I want to be fair to her and say that she did a wonderful job in those aspects of parenting. The part where she failed though, was our day-to-day interactions and relationship. She is a very negative, stressed out  person. 

So, lets talk about the things I am not so fond of. When I was growing up, if we got into an argument she would state her opinion, then run up to her room, slam the door in my face and lock the door for HOURS. Uh, doesn't that sound like what the teenager usually does to the mother?? My relationship was the opposite. I wanted to talk stuff out--I have been told I will talk things to death, she didn't. Meals? UM, McDonald's? Taco Casa? KFC? take your pick. It was the norm for my dad to go to four different places to get dinner for each member of our family. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. if we did eat at home it was frozen pizza or something similar. I do remember on occasion, usually during the summer, there were a couple of meals cooked. Usually fried chicken, corn on the cob, okra, mashed potatoes. Haha, when they did cook they did it right at least! That was also usually the only time we ate at the table. Any other time, each person was in their own space. I ate dinner in my room most nights in front of my little tv watching Friends. 

My mother was a teacher. Which meant she was at home with me and my brother during the summer. Anyone that i know that is a teacher is living it up with their kids when they are out for the year. Not my mom. She would stay in the bed until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. And would be in a terrible mood when she did surface. 

My mother had/has an unhealthy relationship with her parents. She is an only child, and whereas I am not all that close to her, she is the exact opposite with her family. 2 hour long phone calls every day to my grandmother seems a bit much to me. EVERY DAY? Anything and everything my grandparents thought or did my mom was a fan of. It's like she felt as if she couldn't have a difference of opinion from them, or even try anything new. Ex: when my mom has a headache she takes Tylenol. I'm not sure if my mom has ever, EVER used any other pain killer. Why? Because my grandparents don't. Once when I was over there and felt a migraine coming on I asked did she have any Excedrin. She said no with a tone implying that I was an idiot for even asking that, made a face, and said "why do you want Excedrin? I have Tylenol!" She CANNOT veer off the path. For Christmas, when George and I moved into our new house my grandparents got us a dishwasher. We were told to go to Home Depot or Lowe's and pick out any dishwasher we wanted......as long as it was a Kitchen Aid. That's what brand my grandparents like, so naturally that is what brand my mom liked, and I was going to like it too. It wasn't just "we really like the Kitchen Aid brand, theyve always been a great brand and lasted for forever". It was as if any other brand aside from Kitchen Aid was not a reputable company? Maytag, Whirlpool, Kenmore, all crap. Oh, did they have bad experiences with these other brands of appliances? Nope. They have just always used Kitchen Aid, so that's what I will be using as well. The End. 

Maybe these things seem trivial, but to me more important that going on vacations and making birthdays special is making the every day life you live with your family happy. Mine just wasn't. I strive to be a better "everyday mom" for my kids than I had, and look up to my mother for the special memories she did create. 

So, after this long novel, my resolution is this: I will stop caring and trying to word my sentences in a way that I know will please my mom, just for the sake of not making her mad. I give her a very filtered view of my life. Mostly one that I know she will approve of because i feel like a failure when she sighs and makes comments about things we choose to do. I am releasing myself from that. If I stop and think about it (and hello, obviously I have!) I don't want to be the person she is, so why do I give a rats ass if she approves or likes something I am doing. Maybe I can't have that closeness I long for with my own mother, but I can choose to have it with my daughter. And Lucy and I are off to a great start since she already adores me. I plan to keep that feeling alive for the rest of my life :)

So, I can't be the only one out there with a weird mother/daughter relationship. I also can't be the only one who constantly seeks approval, even though they know most of the time they won't get it. Share!

Exciting things/stuff Im loving

*Breakfast food is one of my favorite kinds of foods. Coming in 3rd behind Italian and American Mexican (Moes and Taco Casa). Im not a fan of real Mexican restaurants. You might remember this post I did about my hatred. 

So I am really excited to try Another Broken Egg! Their menu looks freaking amazing, but I am disappointed that they close at 2:00 :/ Come on, breakfast for supper, its the best. 

*When I was pregnant with Ryder for the last three months I ate a cheese personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut and a Mountain Dew for lunch almost every single day. I really didn't have any sort of cravings with Lucy. But lately with this pregnancy Orange Juice (Simply Orange, Medium Pulp) has tasted AMAZING. As Im drinking it I am thinking the whole time "please don't let me hit the bottom of the cup". I know I can refill, but it's that good that I don't want to stop drinking it to refill. Also, Im eating a ton of candy.......but that's nothing new.

*A week from tomorrow we will have the keys to our new home! George has challenged me to make our 9 roll pack of toilet paper last until we move. So we don't have to buy another pack until we live in the new house. Its a hard challenge. I go through about a roll a day. Ya know, peeing 6 times an hour and all. Im trying to make my TP portions smaller, I really want to win this challenge lol.

*I am so looking forward to school starting back on Jan 3rd. Ryder asks me every single night before he goes to bed if he is going back to school tomorrow.  And every single night I have to disappoint him. He really really LOVES school. And of course it would drop to freezing temps THIS week when both of the kids are home so we have to stay cooped up inside.....which leads to constant arguing. I hear these two phrases about 5,000 times a day: "MINE!!!" and "Moooommmmy, ______ did/has/won't let me _________". Let me tell you, it grates on the nerves.  It's also kind of a pain because since this pregnancy has been so hard and my pelvic floor muscles aren't what they used to be I am pretty much a boring mom. It has been really hard on me since I like to go,go,go. I've beat myself up about not really doing anything this pregnancy, but Im kind of over that now. I know its just a season in life and 9 months of feeling like crap is worth it to add another person to our family. And when I have my body back I will be renewed and refreshed. I have to keep telling myself that. 

*I love space heaters. I will sit right in front of them, it's super cozy.

*Im really excited to use our new Shark Pro Steam Mop at the new house. We have used it here, and we finally love it. It did take a few times of using it to make us believers. The first 2-3 times of using it our floor was sticky afterwards. Im guessing it was just taking a lot to get up all of the chemical crap that had been left on the floor after the swiffer pads. It really is awesome, and George and I fight over who gets to mop now haha.

Baby Post

Lets get ready to go to the hospital and have a baby!!!

Haha, not this early! 

But I have been picking up a few things here and there for my first few days with a newborn and thinking about what things I will bring this time around, and what things I will be leaving at home. 

So, here is my list. Its pretty thorough, get ready to learn.....not really. Probably the least thorough list out there. Enjoy anyway!!

Things Im bringing this time:

These. My milk always comes in the day after I have the baby, and I always wind up engorged at the hospital. Its no fun. I am very thankful that I have a good milk supply, but I do wish my body would give me a little break. I mean, I thought I was supposed to have a couple days of just colostrum? Negative. The booby tubes will be awesome to either heat up in the microwave or freeze for some relief. Go here if you want a pair.

Milkies! My friend Emily introduced me to these after she had her little boy and I was blown away. You put it in your bra or shirt on the opposite boob you are feeding on and it collects all of the leaky milk. I can't tell you how excited I am about this. My method with the other two has been to either just waste all the liquid gold into a breast pad, or to hold a little bottle to catch the milk. Not the most effective way! You can get them here.

*Huge underwear. When I had Ryder, St. Vincents was super liberal with the mesh panties, handing them out left and right. It was awesome. Then when I went back to have Lucy I didnt find a huge stock in the bathroom like before. And when I sent George to ask the nurse where they were she whispered that she would try to sneak me a couple of pair. Um what? Why are the mesh panties on lockdown? Im not sure what the mesh situation is at Northport DCH, but I am coming prepared this time. I recently switched practices and this will be my first time having a baby in town. Im excited! PS: do not try to do an amazon search of mesh underwear. I did, and it is not pretty. 

*Bottle brush and dish soap. Even though I plan on breastfeeding, there will be plenty of things that need washing. Like breast pump parts. Pain in my ass.

Now, things I will not be bringing this time around:

*Diapers and wipes. Even though I know they provide them, I always bring a couple "just in case". Just in case of what? I can't imagine I would run out of an entire pack of newborn diapers within 3-4 days. And even if I did, Im pretty sure they would swing another pack my way. 

*Thongs. Yep. When I went to the hospital with Ryder I brought thongs. The only logical reason I can think of is that back then I wore them all the time and thought they were comfortable. I think thats when a "panty line" was a no-no. Who even talks about that anymore? these days if I am sporting a thong its because I haven't done laundry in forever and they are they only things available in the ole underwear drawer. 

anyway, thats all I can think of. Hope everyone had a great Christmas :)

Confession

In case you didn't know, I still have a little bit lot of my 14 year old self in me.

I love stupid Rom-Coms(except 27 dresses. horrid movie), am a diehard Twilight fan, I think Zac Efron is supa hot, and I love Glee.

I also love the song Oh Holy Night. It's my favorite Christmas song, so when Rachel sang it in the last episode of Glee I was beyond excited.

Whenever I talk about how amazing of a singer she is George always responds with "Auto-tune". Whatever man, I dont care if she is auto-tuned a tad, she still sounds awesome.

Also, her dress is so pretty. I want to go snatch one up as soon as I pop Finn out and wear it everyday of my life. And in case you are in need of this beautiful gown for real, and want to drop a crap load of cash, you can go here to get it. I know, Im a weirdo and searched out where to buy it. Im telling you, I love it.

So, if you want a dose of Oh Holy Night, watch the clip!

Thanks

Im a little late on a doing a thankful post I guess. But for some reason when the majority of people are on a bandwagon and doing something I just reject it. I wont even allow my brain to think about the same thing, and in this case it kind of happened with all these thankful posts that were popping up all November.

Recently though, I have been overwhelmed with a sense of thankfullness. Probably from being really frustrated. Ive been so ill about things that I think maybe God made me be still and quiet.

Ive been so frustrated with everyone in my house being sick, so so so frustrated with the lack of progress on the house, and oh about a million and one other things on my ridiculous list of complaints.

So, here is my smallish list of things I have stopped and appreciated over the past week and am glad about.

Wait, one more second. Just wanted to say if you actually read my last blog post....well, you deserve a freaking cookie. I reread over that piece of garbage last night, and let me say, I sounded drunk and as if I only completed the 8th grade. Sorry about that!

Moving along....

1. Cuddling with Lucy. There is something so sweet about being wrapped up in a blanket with my daughter. She has the most beautiful and softest hair ever. I have always been a hair twirler, and playing with her hair while she's in my lap is super therapeutic for me. 

2. My 4-Runner. Ever since I was 13 years old my dream car has been a black 4-Runner with leather and a sunroof. I remember when the girl who lived across the street from me got one for her 16th birthday. She was about 3 years older than me, and man did I think she was awesome. She's not why I wanted one, but staring at hers every single day only intensified my love. I told my dad about 15,000 times i wanted one and he always laughed at me as if it was unrealistic. Although I did drive a super sweet cougar.....which I think was a crapload more than an older model 4-Runner, but whatever. The point is, I have my dream car now. And I still love it as much as I did when I was 13. 

3. Last night I was driving alone on University Blvd headed to Publix. They had the quad lit up with luminaries, oh it was so beautiful. Those few seconds I had to stare at the lights as I drove by made me smile.

4. Starbucks Salted Caramel Mocha Frappuccino. First of all, Caramel and Mocha mixed together is one of my all time favorite flavors, but the fact that they have now added a little salt to the mix is blowing my mind. SO GOOD. But only in frap form. If you get it hot the salt just disolves and you dont get little chunks of salt to hit your tongue. That, people, is the best part of adding the salt in the first place.

Well, that completes my little list. Obviously this isnt everything I am thankful for, just a few things that have hit me over the course of the week and put my stressed out mind at ease. Sometimes it's good to count your random blessings. Even if you do have to wait until everyone is done with their thankful posts before you think about it.

 

Planning for the future

I have been sick for the past 5 days. The Flu. Not something you want to have at all, let alone while pregnant. 

Since I have been laying around in bed for the past 3 days I have had a lot of time to sleep, poke around online, and cough cough cough.....and pee on myself every single time I cough. It is one of the more annoying things in life.

Anyway, all this time to lay around and think and be halfway conscious has given me a chance to sort of asses our families routines (um, lack thereof) and annoyances and think about ways to address them.

Our closing date on our house is coming closer and closer. Sort of. Our realtor called us and said we need to pick a closing date because all thats left to do on our house is carpet and landscape. Lies. We told her December 14, and if thats not doable then December 21st. We will see. If all there is left to do is carpet and landscape then I guess they weren't planning on installing a single light in our home, because there are none to speak of. Also, no mirrors in any of the bathrooms. Also, no shelving or cabinets in the pantry or laundry room. Hmm, seems to me there is a bit more than carpet and landscaping......

Anyway, I have this dream scenario built up in my head that I am daily trying to vanquish because I know it is not reality. I picture us being the kings and queens of organization, being routine masters, and everything being incredibly spotless. Our lives will always run in such a smooth manner and in my little daydream I am sitting on the couch in a big comfy T shirt and leggings holding Finn while Ryder and Lucy happily play upstairs. Somehow I am also 50 lbs lighter....I guess I am really counting on breastfeeding to work its weightless magic this time. Im ca-razy.

Anyway, I am so so so anxious to move though because I dont feel it worth it to start a new type of routine while we are still living in the matchbox. *Disclaimer: I am not saying that my house is so freaking small and how could anyone live in only 900 square feet with one bathroom, I am simply saying that at this point in our lives we have an almost 5 year old (next month! agh!) a 2 year old, and a baby on the way. So for us, this house is too small. We've paid our dues people, we have lived here for 6 years.

We are boxing up everything, and living on bare necessities. 

Right now my family is in survival mode. Even more so since all of us have been sick. George is at the doctor right now getting checked for the Flu. We are just trying to make it by until we can move...and we are miserable. I normally dont repin a ton of "mommy" type stuff on Pinterest. Like 50 things mothers of sons should know.....blah blah. I am a mother of a son, I got this. However I did pin something yesterday that i was happy about. I was drawn to it because the picture of the pin was a planner. If you know me at all, you know I love a good planner and routine. So I had to check it out. Here is the blog it sent me to.

I loved the part where she said that when she was pregnant she feels like she was just in survival mode. Thats so comforting to hear from an established mom. When you are only pregnant with your first, its a completely different ball game than when you already have kids. And Im not here to act like I am about to have my 3rd kid so I am a book of knowledge and you silly mommies with one dont know how good you have it. Because I remember what it feels like to just be pregnant with or only have one child. So many things are uncertain and your life is changing so dramatically. Its an insane roller coaster of emotions. Never does your life change so much as when you have your first child. I dont care how many more you have, at that point you are just adding to the life you already have, not taking on something completely new. I remember crying all the time because I thought George and I would grow apart, and being so desperate for company when Ryder was born. Its a lonely first year and a half when its your first. So it's nice to know that other moms of more than one are just trying to survive. Because thats what we are doing up in here. I feel like George and I should be wearing army gear and Ryder and Lucy are the assailants. 

So, what exactly are we surviving from? Well, Ryder is super super hyper and wound up most of the time. Hello he is a boy. Who loves Karate. Why do they all love karate? So most of his life consists of punching and kicking this socker bobber punching bag we got him which has been a lifesaver. Im not exaggerating, he did his "ninja training" on that thing for over 2 hours straight yesterday. Just punching and kicking in his room. What. So now that we have given him an outlet for his ninja ways we have curbed some of the frustration that comes along with having a crazy boy. But then there is the frustration with the eating. This kid lately has been trying to eat each meal in two different time frames. He will eat half of his meal, claim he is full because he wants to go play, then come back 1-2 hours later and claim he is starving again. OR, he will tell us his belly hurts, and he cant eat anymore, but then will try to sit right beside George and stuff his hands in the Doritios bag. This happened last night. Um no. If your stomach is hurting and you cant eat your breakfast for supper then you certainly cant eat cheesy Doritos. Nice try buddy. 

Lucy. Lucy has me reaching for the parenting books....on sleep. Im not really in the loop on all these different sleep training methods. I know the phrases or words: Ferberizing, CIO, babywise, etc. But Im going to be honest, I have no idea what the hell they mean. I dont know wether to be for or against a certain method. Obviously, I know what cry it out means, and am all for it if you can stand it. And I dont mean in a "I just cant stand to hear my baby cry, it breaks my heart sort of way", I mean stand it as in your blood pressure not shooting up to the breaking point because the sound grates on your nerves. Let me tell you something. I cant stand it. I just cant. So, I have decided to buy the No Cry Sleep Solution. I read through a couple of the preview pages on Amazon and it doesnt seem too looney tunes. Granted I only got to read to page 8 in the book preview, but it got 4.5 stars in the reviews so I am willing to give it a go. This girl is 2.5 and wakes up in the middle of the night most nights and getting her to go to sleep at all is a nightmare. She used to be super awesome at it. We have never rocked and sang and stood and patted backs on any of our children, we just lay them down. I dont know what the deal is all of the sudden. 

The blog I linked above also had some good ideas for cleaning stations for children, and giving one child a thumbs up and a little prize or sticker or token towards a reward system at the end of each day. I liked that. I like positive reinforcement. 

So, we are currently just surviving. Schedules, and routines have been thrown out the window lately. But we are trying to get back on track, reassess, and come up with a new game plan. 

Thanks for letting me vent :) I realize I just wrote a novel. I guess I am making up for all the time I haven't been blogging it up. 

Now, let me go back to sleep because my head is spinning. Oh, ps: word of advice: if you are able, and they are able, dont move away from grandparents when you have children. My mom has been such an amazing help over the past few days while we have been sick. She has Ryder now, he is the only one who has gotten over this crud, and Lucy is sleeping away a fever right now. I am so thankful for my mom and mother-in-law for being so close by and helpful. 

Ok. Bye :)

Home Sweet NEW Home!!!!

Aside from my wedding day and the days my children were and are going to be born, the day I hold the keys to my brand spanking new home will be the best day of my life.

And guess what? Its so close I can almost touch it. We put a contract on the house Saturday, and got a mortgage with the builder's mortgage lender. If you go through them you get $3,000 off closing costs AND $3,000 in upgrades. Hello beautiful FREE wooden blinds and screens for all of the windows!!

In case you didnt know, we have been searching and searching and searching for well over a year for the perfect home and hoping that someone would become interested in our house...all without really putting it on the market. I know that sounds weird to say, but 4 people in a 900 square foot space and being pregnant doesnt exactly mean its easy to keep a house "show" ready all the time. Its next to impossible actually. I have just been praying and praying that God would just kind of send someone to us that would love our home, and it would all work out for us to move out into a new home before we showed this one. That's a pretty hefty thing to ask for, but HE did it. I started to think I was crazy to even ask for such a thing, sending someone to us without our house being on the market AND to let us find the perfect house all in the same time? 

Turns out I am in fact NOT crazy and, as usual, God is awesome. 

So, here is what our new house will look like when its finished, which according to the realtors we talked to Saturday is approx 60 days after sheet rock starts. That sheet rock has been sitting in that house for the past 5 days. I know this because we drive out there to look at the progress each and every day. I know that sounds kind of weird, and the neighbors might think we are creepy at this point, but we have just been waiting for this for so long we cant contain the excitement!

Isn't it beautiful! I'm not crazy about that red brick, but hey that minor thing isn't going to keep me from moving in. Really its odd to me that most all of their homes have red brick, its kind of dated 90's style to me, but whatevs.

And here is the reason why we love it so much: The floor plan.

Main level:

Upstairs (aka "kid zone"):

See that "Gameroom"? That's the best part of the entire house. Its an open room right when you walk up the stairs, perfect for a playroom. My dreams of having all of the kid crap contained in one area is going to come true. It makes me teary eyed. Also, that "Opt Bedroom"? No option, its already there, and was included in the price of the home. So now, if we do decided to have that fourth nugget as planned(we try and see how life is after we add each kid to see if we can handle our dream of 4. So far, we are on track) we will have a bedroom for him or her. Ryder's room is Bedroom 3, and *Finn's room is Bedroom 4. They will share Bath 2. Lucy will be in Bedroom 2 and will have Bath 3 all to her little girly self. Her bathroom won't be in her room like the boys' will. BUT I would rather have a bathroom to myself than have to share it with one of my brothers. Plus, her closet is way bigger than theirs, which makes 100% sense to me :) So the entire upstairs is dedicated to the kids. And that optional bedroom can be a guest/craft/music (junk) room. Although I really havent been feeling very crafty lately. I used to see things on Pinterest and Etsy and be so pumped with the "HeY! I can make that!" mentality. But ever since Ive been pregnant its been "Hey, I can just buy that". Hoping after this kid is here I will have a crafty bug again.

Here is a video George took when he and Ryder went out to measure the backyard. I was freaking out that the trampoline and swing set wouldn't fit out there. But it will.....with little room to spare, but it will fit nonetheless. They don't make these backyards very big anymore :/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTTzEG41LHA&list=UUkrXyTE-RsPqgJGHSYeG8wQ&index=1&feature=plcp

*Speaking of "this kid", its a HE! And his name is Finn! Finn _____ Edmondson. We still dont have a set in stone middle name for him, but have names we are thinking on.

So this is the most exciting thing in my life right now, new baby boy and new home! Not gonna lie, at this point Im most excited about the house. Not that I am not super excited to have this gift of a child, but the house is much closer to being here and without the house I would be stressing about the baby. So the house makes everything better. We will have a room for everyone. And the absolute 100% best part? Even better than the game room? We will have more than one bathroom!!! No more waiting on the husband......you know what I mean ladies -_-.

That's it for now, I hope to take pics and blog about the progress. And that's totally fine with me, I personally think a home build is super interesting haha!