Resolution?

Yesterday, my friend Ashley and I were talking--er, she was listening to me jump from topic to topic venting about my kids. You need to do that sometimes ya know. Even though they are your sweet children they are still people....and people can get on your last freaking nerve. 

Anyway, the topic of resolutions came up. Ash asked me if I made them, and said she never really gets into it. I do. I don't write them down. I think when it comes to resolutions I always set the bar way too high when I write them down. Then it's just sad to look back in March and see that I really am not on track. All of my resolutions are family oriented. I want to be more purposeful in praying with the kids and as a family, I want to get back on a daily routine, be a better wife, etc. 

But for some reason today as I was driving down the road looking at Lucy in my rear view mirror I thought of a resolution that trumps all of the others. And if I can work on this one thing, I think everything else will be easier to do.

The resolution at hand is finding freedom from my mother. I know I am married with a family of my own, but there's still a little part of me that feels like a 13 year old who has to have her mom's approval. Not so much that I value what she says, but more because I am so envious of families that are close(particularly mother/daughter relationships) that I want her to be happy regarding me. I guess maybe I am painting an unfair picture of my mom. Lets dig deeper.

As far as working, keeping us fed, clothed, and all the normal things a parent does she gets an A+. Even for holidays and birthdays, she was great. happy birthday message on my mirror with balloons when I woke up was always awesome. Vacations? Went to Disney 3 different times, and the beach twice a year every year. I want to be fair to her and say that she did a wonderful job in those aspects of parenting. The part where she failed though, was our day-to-day interactions and relationship. She is a very negative, stressed out  person. 

So, lets talk about the things I am not so fond of. When I was growing up, if we got into an argument she would state her opinion, then run up to her room, slam the door in my face and lock the door for HOURS. Uh, doesn't that sound like what the teenager usually does to the mother?? My relationship was the opposite. I wanted to talk stuff out--I have been told I will talk things to death, she didn't. Meals? UM, McDonald's? Taco Casa? KFC? take your pick. It was the norm for my dad to go to four different places to get dinner for each member of our family. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. if we did eat at home it was frozen pizza or something similar. I do remember on occasion, usually during the summer, there were a couple of meals cooked. Usually fried chicken, corn on the cob, okra, mashed potatoes. Haha, when they did cook they did it right at least! That was also usually the only time we ate at the table. Any other time, each person was in their own space. I ate dinner in my room most nights in front of my little tv watching Friends. 

My mother was a teacher. Which meant she was at home with me and my brother during the summer. Anyone that i know that is a teacher is living it up with their kids when they are out for the year. Not my mom. She would stay in the bed until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. And would be in a terrible mood when she did surface. 

My mother had/has an unhealthy relationship with her parents. She is an only child, and whereas I am not all that close to her, she is the exact opposite with her family. 2 hour long phone calls every day to my grandmother seems a bit much to me. EVERY DAY? Anything and everything my grandparents thought or did my mom was a fan of. It's like she felt as if she couldn't have a difference of opinion from them, or even try anything new. Ex: when my mom has a headache she takes Tylenol. I'm not sure if my mom has ever, EVER used any other pain killer. Why? Because my grandparents don't. Once when I was over there and felt a migraine coming on I asked did she have any Excedrin. She said no with a tone implying that I was an idiot for even asking that, made a face, and said "why do you want Excedrin? I have Tylenol!" She CANNOT veer off the path. For Christmas, when George and I moved into our new house my grandparents got us a dishwasher. We were told to go to Home Depot or Lowe's and pick out any dishwasher we wanted......as long as it was a Kitchen Aid. That's what brand my grandparents like, so naturally that is what brand my mom liked, and I was going to like it too. It wasn't just "we really like the Kitchen Aid brand, theyve always been a great brand and lasted for forever". It was as if any other brand aside from Kitchen Aid was not a reputable company? Maytag, Whirlpool, Kenmore, all crap. Oh, did they have bad experiences with these other brands of appliances? Nope. They have just always used Kitchen Aid, so that's what I will be using as well. The End. 

Maybe these things seem trivial, but to me more important that going on vacations and making birthdays special is making the every day life you live with your family happy. Mine just wasn't. I strive to be a better "everyday mom" for my kids than I had, and look up to my mother for the special memories she did create. 

So, after this long novel, my resolution is this: I will stop caring and trying to word my sentences in a way that I know will please my mom, just for the sake of not making her mad. I give her a very filtered view of my life. Mostly one that I know she will approve of because i feel like a failure when she sighs and makes comments about things we choose to do. I am releasing myself from that. If I stop and think about it (and hello, obviously I have!) I don't want to be the person she is, so why do I give a rats ass if she approves or likes something I am doing. Maybe I can't have that closeness I long for with my own mother, but I can choose to have it with my daughter. And Lucy and I are off to a great start since she already adores me. I plan to keep that feeling alive for the rest of my life :)

So, I can't be the only one out there with a weird mother/daughter relationship. I also can't be the only one who constantly seeks approval, even though they know most of the time they won't get it. Share!

Exciting things/stuff Im loving

*Breakfast food is one of my favorite kinds of foods. Coming in 3rd behind Italian and American Mexican (Moes and Taco Casa). Im not a fan of real Mexican restaurants. You might remember this post I did about my hatred. 

So I am really excited to try Another Broken Egg! Their menu looks freaking amazing, but I am disappointed that they close at 2:00 :/ Come on, breakfast for supper, its the best. 

*When I was pregnant with Ryder for the last three months I ate a cheese personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut and a Mountain Dew for lunch almost every single day. I really didn't have any sort of cravings with Lucy. But lately with this pregnancy Orange Juice (Simply Orange, Medium Pulp) has tasted AMAZING. As Im drinking it I am thinking the whole time "please don't let me hit the bottom of the cup". I know I can refill, but it's that good that I don't want to stop drinking it to refill. Also, Im eating a ton of candy.......but that's nothing new.

*A week from tomorrow we will have the keys to our new home! George has challenged me to make our 9 roll pack of toilet paper last until we move. So we don't have to buy another pack until we live in the new house. Its a hard challenge. I go through about a roll a day. Ya know, peeing 6 times an hour and all. Im trying to make my TP portions smaller, I really want to win this challenge lol.

*I am so looking forward to school starting back on Jan 3rd. Ryder asks me every single night before he goes to bed if he is going back to school tomorrow.  And every single night I have to disappoint him. He really really LOVES school. And of course it would drop to freezing temps THIS week when both of the kids are home so we have to stay cooped up inside.....which leads to constant arguing. I hear these two phrases about 5,000 times a day: "MINE!!!" and "Moooommmmy, ______ did/has/won't let me _________". Let me tell you, it grates on the nerves.  It's also kind of a pain because since this pregnancy has been so hard and my pelvic floor muscles aren't what they used to be I am pretty much a boring mom. It has been really hard on me since I like to go,go,go. I've beat myself up about not really doing anything this pregnancy, but Im kind of over that now. I know its just a season in life and 9 months of feeling like crap is worth it to add another person to our family. And when I have my body back I will be renewed and refreshed. I have to keep telling myself that. 

*I love space heaters. I will sit right in front of them, it's super cozy.

*Im really excited to use our new Shark Pro Steam Mop at the new house. We have used it here, and we finally love it. It did take a few times of using it to make us believers. The first 2-3 times of using it our floor was sticky afterwards. Im guessing it was just taking a lot to get up all of the chemical crap that had been left on the floor after the swiffer pads. It really is awesome, and George and I fight over who gets to mop now haha.

Baby Post

Lets get ready to go to the hospital and have a baby!!!

Haha, not this early! 

But I have been picking up a few things here and there for my first few days with a newborn and thinking about what things I will bring this time around, and what things I will be leaving at home. 

So, here is my list. Its pretty thorough, get ready to learn.....not really. Probably the least thorough list out there. Enjoy anyway!!

Things Im bringing this time:

These. My milk always comes in the day after I have the baby, and I always wind up engorged at the hospital. Its no fun. I am very thankful that I have a good milk supply, but I do wish my body would give me a little break. I mean, I thought I was supposed to have a couple days of just colostrum? Negative. The booby tubes will be awesome to either heat up in the microwave or freeze for some relief. Go here if you want a pair.

Milkies! My friend Emily introduced me to these after she had her little boy and I was blown away. You put it in your bra or shirt on the opposite boob you are feeding on and it collects all of the leaky milk. I can't tell you how excited I am about this. My method with the other two has been to either just waste all the liquid gold into a breast pad, or to hold a little bottle to catch the milk. Not the most effective way! You can get them here.

*Huge underwear. When I had Ryder, St. Vincents was super liberal with the mesh panties, handing them out left and right. It was awesome. Then when I went back to have Lucy I didnt find a huge stock in the bathroom like before. And when I sent George to ask the nurse where they were she whispered that she would try to sneak me a couple of pair. Um what? Why are the mesh panties on lockdown? Im not sure what the mesh situation is at Northport DCH, but I am coming prepared this time. I recently switched practices and this will be my first time having a baby in town. Im excited! PS: do not try to do an amazon search of mesh underwear. I did, and it is not pretty. 

*Bottle brush and dish soap. Even though I plan on breastfeeding, there will be plenty of things that need washing. Like breast pump parts. Pain in my ass.

Now, things I will not be bringing this time around:

*Diapers and wipes. Even though I know they provide them, I always bring a couple "just in case". Just in case of what? I can't imagine I would run out of an entire pack of newborn diapers within 3-4 days. And even if I did, Im pretty sure they would swing another pack my way. 

*Thongs. Yep. When I went to the hospital with Ryder I brought thongs. The only logical reason I can think of is that back then I wore them all the time and thought they were comfortable. I think thats when a "panty line" was a no-no. Who even talks about that anymore? these days if I am sporting a thong its because I haven't done laundry in forever and they are they only things available in the ole underwear drawer. 

anyway, thats all I can think of. Hope everyone had a great Christmas :)

Confession

In case you didn't know, I still have a little bit lot of my 14 year old self in me.

I love stupid Rom-Coms(except 27 dresses. horrid movie), am a diehard Twilight fan, I think Zac Efron is supa hot, and I love Glee.

I also love the song Oh Holy Night. It's my favorite Christmas song, so when Rachel sang it in the last episode of Glee I was beyond excited.

Whenever I talk about how amazing of a singer she is George always responds with "Auto-tune". Whatever man, I dont care if she is auto-tuned a tad, she still sounds awesome.

Also, her dress is so pretty. I want to go snatch one up as soon as I pop Finn out and wear it everyday of my life. And in case you are in need of this beautiful gown for real, and want to drop a crap load of cash, you can go here to get it. I know, Im a weirdo and searched out where to buy it. Im telling you, I love it.

So, if you want a dose of Oh Holy Night, watch the clip!

Thanks

Im a little late on a doing a thankful post I guess. But for some reason when the majority of people are on a bandwagon and doing something I just reject it. I wont even allow my brain to think about the same thing, and in this case it kind of happened with all these thankful posts that were popping up all November.

Recently though, I have been overwhelmed with a sense of thankfullness. Probably from being really frustrated. Ive been so ill about things that I think maybe God made me be still and quiet.

Ive been so frustrated with everyone in my house being sick, so so so frustrated with the lack of progress on the house, and oh about a million and one other things on my ridiculous list of complaints.

So, here is my smallish list of things I have stopped and appreciated over the past week and am glad about.

Wait, one more second. Just wanted to say if you actually read my last blog post....well, you deserve a freaking cookie. I reread over that piece of garbage last night, and let me say, I sounded drunk and as if I only completed the 8th grade. Sorry about that!

Moving along....

1. Cuddling with Lucy. There is something so sweet about being wrapped up in a blanket with my daughter. She has the most beautiful and softest hair ever. I have always been a hair twirler, and playing with her hair while she's in my lap is super therapeutic for me. 

2. My 4-Runner. Ever since I was 13 years old my dream car has been a black 4-Runner with leather and a sunroof. I remember when the girl who lived across the street from me got one for her 16th birthday. She was about 3 years older than me, and man did I think she was awesome. She's not why I wanted one, but staring at hers every single day only intensified my love. I told my dad about 15,000 times i wanted one and he always laughed at me as if it was unrealistic. Although I did drive a super sweet cougar.....which I think was a crapload more than an older model 4-Runner, but whatever. The point is, I have my dream car now. And I still love it as much as I did when I was 13. 

3. Last night I was driving alone on University Blvd headed to Publix. They had the quad lit up with luminaries, oh it was so beautiful. Those few seconds I had to stare at the lights as I drove by made me smile.

4. Starbucks Salted Caramel Mocha Frappuccino. First of all, Caramel and Mocha mixed together is one of my all time favorite flavors, but the fact that they have now added a little salt to the mix is blowing my mind. SO GOOD. But only in frap form. If you get it hot the salt just disolves and you dont get little chunks of salt to hit your tongue. That, people, is the best part of adding the salt in the first place.

Well, that completes my little list. Obviously this isnt everything I am thankful for, just a few things that have hit me over the course of the week and put my stressed out mind at ease. Sometimes it's good to count your random blessings. Even if you do have to wait until everyone is done with their thankful posts before you think about it.

 

Planning for the future

I have been sick for the past 5 days. The Flu. Not something you want to have at all, let alone while pregnant. 

Since I have been laying around in bed for the past 3 days I have had a lot of time to sleep, poke around online, and cough cough cough.....and pee on myself every single time I cough. It is one of the more annoying things in life.

Anyway, all this time to lay around and think and be halfway conscious has given me a chance to sort of asses our families routines (um, lack thereof) and annoyances and think about ways to address them.

Our closing date on our house is coming closer and closer. Sort of. Our realtor called us and said we need to pick a closing date because all thats left to do on our house is carpet and landscape. Lies. We told her December 14, and if thats not doable then December 21st. We will see. If all there is left to do is carpet and landscape then I guess they weren't planning on installing a single light in our home, because there are none to speak of. Also, no mirrors in any of the bathrooms. Also, no shelving or cabinets in the pantry or laundry room. Hmm, seems to me there is a bit more than carpet and landscaping......

Anyway, I have this dream scenario built up in my head that I am daily trying to vanquish because I know it is not reality. I picture us being the kings and queens of organization, being routine masters, and everything being incredibly spotless. Our lives will always run in such a smooth manner and in my little daydream I am sitting on the couch in a big comfy T shirt and leggings holding Finn while Ryder and Lucy happily play upstairs. Somehow I am also 50 lbs lighter....I guess I am really counting on breastfeeding to work its weightless magic this time. Im ca-razy.

Anyway, I am so so so anxious to move though because I dont feel it worth it to start a new type of routine while we are still living in the matchbox. *Disclaimer: I am not saying that my house is so freaking small and how could anyone live in only 900 square feet with one bathroom, I am simply saying that at this point in our lives we have an almost 5 year old (next month! agh!) a 2 year old, and a baby on the way. So for us, this house is too small. We've paid our dues people, we have lived here for 6 years.

We are boxing up everything, and living on bare necessities. 

Right now my family is in survival mode. Even more so since all of us have been sick. George is at the doctor right now getting checked for the Flu. We are just trying to make it by until we can move...and we are miserable. I normally dont repin a ton of "mommy" type stuff on Pinterest. Like 50 things mothers of sons should know.....blah blah. I am a mother of a son, I got this. However I did pin something yesterday that i was happy about. I was drawn to it because the picture of the pin was a planner. If you know me at all, you know I love a good planner and routine. So I had to check it out. Here is the blog it sent me to.

I loved the part where she said that when she was pregnant she feels like she was just in survival mode. Thats so comforting to hear from an established mom. When you are only pregnant with your first, its a completely different ball game than when you already have kids. And Im not here to act like I am about to have my 3rd kid so I am a book of knowledge and you silly mommies with one dont know how good you have it. Because I remember what it feels like to just be pregnant with or only have one child. So many things are uncertain and your life is changing so dramatically. Its an insane roller coaster of emotions. Never does your life change so much as when you have your first child. I dont care how many more you have, at that point you are just adding to the life you already have, not taking on something completely new. I remember crying all the time because I thought George and I would grow apart, and being so desperate for company when Ryder was born. Its a lonely first year and a half when its your first. So it's nice to know that other moms of more than one are just trying to survive. Because thats what we are doing up in here. I feel like George and I should be wearing army gear and Ryder and Lucy are the assailants. 

So, what exactly are we surviving from? Well, Ryder is super super hyper and wound up most of the time. Hello he is a boy. Who loves Karate. Why do they all love karate? So most of his life consists of punching and kicking this socker bobber punching bag we got him which has been a lifesaver. Im not exaggerating, he did his "ninja training" on that thing for over 2 hours straight yesterday. Just punching and kicking in his room. What. So now that we have given him an outlet for his ninja ways we have curbed some of the frustration that comes along with having a crazy boy. But then there is the frustration with the eating. This kid lately has been trying to eat each meal in two different time frames. He will eat half of his meal, claim he is full because he wants to go play, then come back 1-2 hours later and claim he is starving again. OR, he will tell us his belly hurts, and he cant eat anymore, but then will try to sit right beside George and stuff his hands in the Doritios bag. This happened last night. Um no. If your stomach is hurting and you cant eat your breakfast for supper then you certainly cant eat cheesy Doritos. Nice try buddy. 

Lucy. Lucy has me reaching for the parenting books....on sleep. Im not really in the loop on all these different sleep training methods. I know the phrases or words: Ferberizing, CIO, babywise, etc. But Im going to be honest, I have no idea what the hell they mean. I dont know wether to be for or against a certain method. Obviously, I know what cry it out means, and am all for it if you can stand it. And I dont mean in a "I just cant stand to hear my baby cry, it breaks my heart sort of way", I mean stand it as in your blood pressure not shooting up to the breaking point because the sound grates on your nerves. Let me tell you something. I cant stand it. I just cant. So, I have decided to buy the No Cry Sleep Solution. I read through a couple of the preview pages on Amazon and it doesnt seem too looney tunes. Granted I only got to read to page 8 in the book preview, but it got 4.5 stars in the reviews so I am willing to give it a go. This girl is 2.5 and wakes up in the middle of the night most nights and getting her to go to sleep at all is a nightmare. She used to be super awesome at it. We have never rocked and sang and stood and patted backs on any of our children, we just lay them down. I dont know what the deal is all of the sudden. 

The blog I linked above also had some good ideas for cleaning stations for children, and giving one child a thumbs up and a little prize or sticker or token towards a reward system at the end of each day. I liked that. I like positive reinforcement. 

So, we are currently just surviving. Schedules, and routines have been thrown out the window lately. But we are trying to get back on track, reassess, and come up with a new game plan. 

Thanks for letting me vent :) I realize I just wrote a novel. I guess I am making up for all the time I haven't been blogging it up. 

Now, let me go back to sleep because my head is spinning. Oh, ps: word of advice: if you are able, and they are able, dont move away from grandparents when you have children. My mom has been such an amazing help over the past few days while we have been sick. She has Ryder now, he is the only one who has gotten over this crud, and Lucy is sleeping away a fever right now. I am so thankful for my mom and mother-in-law for being so close by and helpful. 

Ok. Bye :)

Home Sweet NEW Home!!!!

Aside from my wedding day and the days my children were and are going to be born, the day I hold the keys to my brand spanking new home will be the best day of my life.

And guess what? Its so close I can almost touch it. We put a contract on the house Saturday, and got a mortgage with the builder's mortgage lender. If you go through them you get $3,000 off closing costs AND $3,000 in upgrades. Hello beautiful FREE wooden blinds and screens for all of the windows!!

In case you didnt know, we have been searching and searching and searching for well over a year for the perfect home and hoping that someone would become interested in our house...all without really putting it on the market. I know that sounds weird to say, but 4 people in a 900 square foot space and being pregnant doesnt exactly mean its easy to keep a house "show" ready all the time. Its next to impossible actually. I have just been praying and praying that God would just kind of send someone to us that would love our home, and it would all work out for us to move out into a new home before we showed this one. That's a pretty hefty thing to ask for, but HE did it. I started to think I was crazy to even ask for such a thing, sending someone to us without our house being on the market AND to let us find the perfect house all in the same time? 

Turns out I am in fact NOT crazy and, as usual, God is awesome. 

So, here is what our new house will look like when its finished, which according to the realtors we talked to Saturday is approx 60 days after sheet rock starts. That sheet rock has been sitting in that house for the past 5 days. I know this because we drive out there to look at the progress each and every day. I know that sounds kind of weird, and the neighbors might think we are creepy at this point, but we have just been waiting for this for so long we cant contain the excitement!

Isn't it beautiful! I'm not crazy about that red brick, but hey that minor thing isn't going to keep me from moving in. Really its odd to me that most all of their homes have red brick, its kind of dated 90's style to me, but whatevs.

And here is the reason why we love it so much: The floor plan.

Main level:

Upstairs (aka "kid zone"):

See that "Gameroom"? That's the best part of the entire house. Its an open room right when you walk up the stairs, perfect for a playroom. My dreams of having all of the kid crap contained in one area is going to come true. It makes me teary eyed. Also, that "Opt Bedroom"? No option, its already there, and was included in the price of the home. So now, if we do decided to have that fourth nugget as planned(we try and see how life is after we add each kid to see if we can handle our dream of 4. So far, we are on track) we will have a bedroom for him or her. Ryder's room is Bedroom 3, and *Finn's room is Bedroom 4. They will share Bath 2. Lucy will be in Bedroom 2 and will have Bath 3 all to her little girly self. Her bathroom won't be in her room like the boys' will. BUT I would rather have a bathroom to myself than have to share it with one of my brothers. Plus, her closet is way bigger than theirs, which makes 100% sense to me :) So the entire upstairs is dedicated to the kids. And that optional bedroom can be a guest/craft/music (junk) room. Although I really havent been feeling very crafty lately. I used to see things on Pinterest and Etsy and be so pumped with the "HeY! I can make that!" mentality. But ever since Ive been pregnant its been "Hey, I can just buy that". Hoping after this kid is here I will have a crafty bug again.

Here is a video George took when he and Ryder went out to measure the backyard. I was freaking out that the trampoline and swing set wouldn't fit out there. But it will.....with little room to spare, but it will fit nonetheless. They don't make these backyards very big anymore :/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTTzEG41LHA&list=UUkrXyTE-RsPqgJGHSYeG8wQ&index=1&feature=plcp

*Speaking of "this kid", its a HE! And his name is Finn! Finn _____ Edmondson. We still dont have a set in stone middle name for him, but have names we are thinking on.

So this is the most exciting thing in my life right now, new baby boy and new home! Not gonna lie, at this point Im most excited about the house. Not that I am not super excited to have this gift of a child, but the house is much closer to being here and without the house I would be stressing about the baby. So the house makes everything better. We will have a room for everyone. And the absolute 100% best part? Even better than the game room? We will have more than one bathroom!!! No more waiting on the husband......you know what I mean ladies -_-.

That's it for now, I hope to take pics and blog about the progress. And that's totally fine with me, I personally think a home build is super interesting haha!