Separation anxiety

If you clicked on my post assuming you would be reading about how Finn doesn't want to leave mine or George's side....well, sorry :/ He does have huge huge HUGE separation anxiety, but that isn't what this post is about. well, hang on: like Im talking about I can't set this dude down and walk three feet without him slow motion crawling after me ugly crying. It is a sight.

Anyway....


This is about my Lucy. I miss her. This is night two that she is asleep. upstairs. far far away from me. I hate it. 

Ever since we moved into the new house(it'll be a year at the end of this month!) she has slept with us. Maybe we laid the smack down a couple of times and she would go 2-3 nights sleeping in her bed, but for the most part, she's always been with us. 

What do you do in bed right before you go to sleep? Maybe read a little in a book? Chat with your husband about the day and your plans for tomorrow? Have a devotion time or read the Bible? Well, mine is usually with that girl. Depending on my exhaustion level, sometimes we will giggle and look at pictures on my phone together, or she will lay her sweet little head on my leg while I look at FB(hey, just being honest). But other times she will get Finn all riled up and just WILL NOT go to sleep. ***Oh yea, Finn is in our bed too. We won't even discuss that because the reasoning for that is SUPER simple. My knees hurt going up and down my freaking stairs all the time. And Finn occasionally still wakes up in the middle of the night and needs a good cuddle or back patting to settle back down. I know, he should have his own methods of self soothing at this age....blah blah blah. Nobody is a perfect mom ok. Among my laundry list of faults Im not good with strict sleep habits. Its fine, Im aware of the problemo. Listen your kid was sleeping through the night at 3 hours old and in their own crib? Gold star for you.*** So 1/2 the time I enjoy her company and the other 1/2 Im telling her if she doesn't lay her head down and go to sleep I just might have an actual heart attack. Then there's the kicking. Oh man. Lucy is like the Native Americans of beds. She uses the WHOLE bed to sleep. She will touch, roll, and spread across every single corner of the bed. So that means you will get kicked in the face. Nightly.

Ahhh but here I am two night in a row, awake at 12:54 am. All because I miss that little nugget kicking me in the face. When i was younger I would sneak into my parents bedroom and sleep on the floor by my mom. If my dad caught me it would be back in my room. So i had to stealthily make my way in every night. Guys, this was when I was SIXTEEN years old. Yea. My room was super creepy at night. When i was in the fourth grade I was OBSESSED with the color hunter green. It was my jam. So i thought what better way to show my loyalty that to paint my freaking room hunter green. You know what happens to a hot dog room at night when it's a super dark color? Well it looks like a dungeon that's what. Oh, hot dog room. My room was LOOOOONG. It had four closets, and three windows. It was above the garage and kitchen. So I've always called it the hot dog room. Im weird. 
I remember the feeling of being in that room, unable to sleep, and just wanting to be near someone. That's just it. My whole entire life I have wanted to just be able to have someone with me while I slept. Im not too much of a cuddler. Hello Im super hot natured and I will surely sweat to death if I am all bundled up next to someone. But just the security of knowing someone is in the room with me, that's all I've wanted. And truthfully, since I moved out, I haven't had to sleep alone. Ever. 

What is this obsession with "sleep in your own room" that parents have?  Well, I guess because the quality of sleep is not great when people kick you in the face....and low sleep quality makes for low productivity during the day. So, THAT is why she is up there in her room, Kristy. Oh, Im talking to myself now. You know, giving a pep talk. Because she kicks you AND FINN in the face, ribs, and screams out random phrases like "Bubba quit eating the jelly beans!!!" during the night and it wakes you up and then it takes you 1,000 years to fall back asleep. Oh yea. But I still miss her. And I still hope she will come down those stairs and crawl in bed with me. 

One day, she will be a grown up Lucy graduating high school and getting ready to move into a dorm room with her best friend and start her super awesome college life. One day, she will be packing up her car with her clothes, and all her stuff. And she will never ever sleep in my house, let alone my bed ever again. She will never again climb in my bed with her pig pillow pet that has been seen better days and her "comfy blanket" that my grandmother made for my bro (but Lu stole it). So thats why I miss her. Thats why I want her down here. I want to breathe in her sweet baby smell before it goes away. I want to savor these moments while she still thinks I am the bomb.com. and tells me she "loves me with all your heart" :) ohhhh. But I also know we all function and treat each other better with a good nights sleep....ahhh maybe Ive exhausted myself enough now. 

Goodnight :)